In a dark deserted room,
Brylcreem in my hair.
Warm smell of unwashed socks,
Rising up through the air.
Up ahead on my Mac screen
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim,
I had to work through the night.
As he stood in the doorway,
I heard the Rush Rhees bells.
And I was thinking to myself,
'Four years of researching - this could be hell'
Then he picked up my paper,
And he gave me an 'A'.
there were voices down the corridor,
Thought I heard them say,
'Welcome to the world of academia
Such a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely phase.
Plenty of room at the world of academia,
Any time of year. any time of year, you can hang out here.'
My mind was stiff and a-twisted,
The coursework never seemed to end.
Got a lot of glassy genius boys,
That we call friends.
How they mugged in the libr'ry,
Sweet summer sweat.
Some mugged to remember,
Some mugged to forget.
So I called my advisor,
'Please make me a T.A.'
He said ' We've never had such spirit here
Boy, you really make my day'
And now those students keep calling from far away,
Waking up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say
'Welcome to the world of academia,
Such a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely phase
Livin' it up at the world of academia
We don't mean to cheat, we don't mean to cheat,
where's your answer sheet.
Four years was my ceiling,
Then came some advice.
He said 'We are all just prisoners here
Failed my defense thrice'
In the dissertation chambers,
The doctoral committee,
They quiz him with their steely glares
And he can't get his Ph.D.
Last thing I remember,
I was running for the door.
I had to find a passage back
To the place I was before.
'Relax', said the chairman,
'Til some results we receive.
You can check out any course you like
But you can never leave.'